Is there ever a good time for puke?

Well we are in the new house, well its not a "new house", but it is our new house, and I am pretty pleased over all. Dylan did good. I like the bones, the land and the location. There are a lot of little details inside that I am not super crazy about, but they are cosmetic and can/will/have been changed. But it is our house and I am working on putting my special stamp on the place. The kids have already both christened the place by vomiting in 3 of the rooms, also fun.

Right now we are living in a sea of boxes and paper while we sort out the major things, like the yucky moldy carpet in the master closet. Eventually I will take some photos, but that would require me finding the camera and that could take a while. The kids however are loving it. There are toys and boxes everywhere, its like second Christmas.

Sadly the previous owners were not very clean people. I did spend about 12 hours scrubbing the kitchen and bathrooms to remove the grime. I had bought a bunch of natural, organic and "child safe" cleaners before seeing the place, but after a quick survey realized I needed to call in the big guns, bleach, ammonia and all sorts of other toxic crap.

I am fairly sure the previous owners never actually cooked or did their own laundry. The stove was broken and the duct taped microwave caught on fire when I used the fan, that was fun. The upside is now we have a shiny new 5 burner gas range and we did get rid of the nasty, grimy microwave. We never had one in Montreal so I don't actually miss it. I was more annoyed that we had to deal with it and I sort of want to take it to the previous owners as a thank you gift. I am also not overly impressed with our new fancy pantsy compact, high efficiency, expensive washing machine. First off, I am pretty sure HE actually means highly enraging, because I have yet to see the efficiency part of the process. It holds about 10 pairs of underwear and takes nearly 2 hours to wash them. At this rate I will need take up laundry as a full time hobby, and I am pretty sure that defeats the purpose. I mean it is not like I am going to give up wearing clothes because it is a pain in the ass to wash them. I miss my good old energy sucking giant washing machine that was actually useful. I don't want to do 20 loads of laundry a week, I want to do 3. Darks, lights, and stuff I am not supposed to wash. I am also not a fan of the spin speed selector option. I can basically rotovap my laundry, but it has the added feature of sounding like a jet engine taking off. My new dryer is also a bit of a mystery. It has 6 different automatic settings, damp dry, light dry, econo dry, regular dry, very dry, and extra dry, all of which basically do the same thing, half dry the clothes and leave them a damp wrinkled mess. Who the bloody hell wants a damp dry, or light dry. If you put stuff in the dryer it is because you want to dry it. And what is the difference between regular dry, very dry and extra dry? Dry is dry, and that is it. It is not complicated. A dryer should have 3 settings, dry with heat, dry with air and off. Thank god for Craigslist, hopefully I can unload these over priced beauties on someone who is excited about washing their socks and find something that actually works.

I am loving the fact we have a real bathtub again, and one of these nights I am going to enjoy it! I also love the yard, the double garage and the fact the master bath has 2 sinks, 4 drawers and 8 cupboards. Yah storage!

I have also met some wonderful people! I have a few friends and seeing them makes this crazy mess much easier to handle. Today we took a break from packing and went to the drop in so the kids could play and I would be forced to stop sorting and cleaning for 2 hours. I was telling the volunteer lady how little man spent most of Friday night puking. Her response which is fairly typical was, "oh that is bad timing." Yes yes it was. However it made me laugh because really is there ever a good time for puking kids? I have never sat down and though, well the house is clean, the groceries are stocked up, dinner is made, the laundry is done, now would be a great time for some puking. Man I could really go for some vomit tonight. But yes, his timing was not ideal. At least missy had the good grace to puke during the day so I was not up all night changing bed sheets and then washing them for the next 2 days.

Anyways, we are alive, we are busy but happy!

The difference

When I meet new people here they always ask me if Vancouver is very different than Montreal. Aside from the very obvious differences, the language, the ocean, the mountains etc I am not sure I have really noticed too many differences. Although, having driven coast to coast a few times I can tell you every province is unique and wonderful in its own way. So maybe there are a few things that make this place special.

It could be where we are currently living, but there are A LOT of outdoor technical shops. Walking down West Broadway I passed 8 in 3 blocks. However, everyone seems to be wearing some variation of lycra/fleece/organic cotton blends, so I guess they need to buy it somewhere. If you need to find some high tech outdoor gear this is your city. There is one thing I am confused about, running lessons. I passed one particular shop advertizing running clinics for $160. Really, you need to pay someone $160 to tell you how to run. As far as I know it goes right foot, left foot, repeat, or if you are inclined left foot, right foot, repeat. Continue to breath (or you will die, and as it turns out this is autonomic so your fine), fling arms in any way which makes this horrible exercise feel tolerable and proceed forward until you feel like you want to quit, then continue for a while longer until you have dissuaded all your guilt about eating that white bread for breakfast. $160 please. There may be more to it but watching my 2.5 year old run around I can tell you it is pretty easy and natural so paying someone a stupid amount of money to "help you" run seems like a big waste to me.

Along those same lines, I hate Lulu lemon everything and it is pretty much the standard uniform around this city. In principle I don't mind wearing similar items for working out (really working out, not just walking to Starbucks), sleeping or cleaning my house but that is it. Yes those magic pants make you butt look super duper great, but it is hard to take someone seriously when they are wearing spandex. If you ever see me out in public wearing Lulu lemon you know that I have lost my mind, gone totally crazy and should immediately be locked up because I have become a danger to myself and others.

I have also been meeting a lot of green, granola, grain fed organic poultry kind of people. I smile and nod while they describe in detail the many many organic shops they frequent and where they buy their farm fresh everything and recycle everything from their hair clothes to their dishes. I try to be polite but I am not a very "green" person, I think I am more of a yellow, oatmeal, grain fed beef kind of girl. Back when I lived in Alberta I was more of an orangish, plain toast, and grain alcohol kind of girl but I am trying. I have always recycled but now that I have physically produced 2 more future consumers I feel I need to try a little more. Maybe living here is making me green by osmosis. I have switched the little man over to cloth hybrid diapers (G diapers are fabulous in case you are curious), I am buying and using only glass containers and buying some great local wild fish, but you can't ask me to give up my beef, sorry.

Speaking of food, there is a discernible lack of duck fat in this city. I have tried a few times to find a tub of duck fat and it seems that is not a standard ingredient around here, go figure. I have also noted an absence of fois gras, blood pudding, pate, non-pasteurized cheeses and a descent selection of cream. What is half & half light, isn't that milk? Seriously,35% cooking cream is not a crazy ingredient,but definitely lacking in the average grocery store around here. We can get good crab here, but I actually miss he lobster and the general commitment to food. Most people I have met are more interested in talking about what they don't eat (and the list is long) rather than the food they enjoy. Sort of backwards if you ask me. Food is amazing, it should be enjoyed and savored and shared with friends and loved ones.

Snow, that is something different here. I was under the impression that there was to be no snow. That is what we were paying the premium for. I feel like I deserve at least 10% rebate on our house for the snow I had to deal with last week. Never mind it was only a few cm's, I am now a Vancouverite and I don't do snow.

This is my new home and it is pretty good so far. I have actually met a lot of great people (not too green and crunchy) and we are setting in. I have lived in 4 provinces now and each time I had to start over and build my life again. This time it seems easier, I guess that is the beauty of family.

The whole adult thing

Moving blows! Just in case you don't already know that, let me state it once again, moving blows. Well maybe moving across town to a shiny new house is pretty exciting, but moving in general sucks in all kinds of ways. We did make it to our new city, and I will admit Vancouver is beautiful! Very very beautiful. On the rare nice days I have been exploring the city with my two mini sidekicks snapping photos like crazy. The mountains, the ocean its all pretty spectacular. So that does not suck. However, having no friends, not knowing where anything is, and having to sort out all kinds of grown up stuff is the not so much fun part. Maybe its the being an adult thing I am not adjusting to very well. For 14 years I lived in the shelters of academia where I more or less got to put off being an adult for as long as humanly possible. But now, with a whopping mortgage, hubby having a real grown up job, 2 kids and my new wifey duties I can't hide from the reality, I am a grown up. Maybe not the best grown up out there, but I am learning/coping.

So far I have manged to change my name (finally, after almost 4 years of marriage), get all new ID, change all our bank accounts, schedule the hook up the phone, cable and electricity, find a new family doctor, and coordinate the sale of our old house, shower, locate and explore all the Costcos in the city, attend all sorts of mommy and me fun times, and get dinner on the table every night. Yup I am super woman.

The real work will begin next week when we get possession of our new house. I finally saw the outside, but still have not seen the inside. It will be a fun surprise, I hope. I am looking forward to seeing our stuff again, and not to be running up and down stairs all day. The place we are renting is 3 floors and there are exactly 32 stairs from our room to the kitchen. Who needs to go the gym. Missy's room is on the 2nd floor so I also get to do some stair exercises at night. Mostly I am looking forward to the young prince having his own room. Right now he sleeps in our walk in closet and lets just say he is not the best roommate ever. But we are in a great neighborhood and it is like a mini vacation while I size up our new city.

99.9% of the time things are pretty great. Mainly because we are together and it is making Missy so much happier/easier/content. We spend our mornings exploring the science center, aquarium, city, parks and playing at different drop ins. Then in the afternoon I haul 2 sleeping kids around while I do the adult stuff. Luckily they are both happy to sleep in the stroller and as long as I keep moving they keep sleeping. It was pretty weird when I went into the bank to update all our accounts and investments and they changed my status to homemaker. Not that I feel that it is not a worthy job, trust me it is a very worthy job, a hard job and a thankless job. But it is has never been my job, nor a job I really thought I would want. But we agreed right now that I need to be home with the kids to get them settled, to get the house and our life organized and to do all the other stuff so Dylan could focus on his new job. We agreed that it is the best thing for our family but it did not stop me from going into a total panic and spend the night combing the web for jobs. Of course I did not find any perfect jobs and then I went into a panic about never finding another job and not getting to use my degree again and basically mentally spinning out of control. This was aided by many nights of little sleep, a few too many cups of coffee and my general anxiety and craziness. Around 3 am I talked myself down off the ledge and realized that I don't need 10 perfect jobs, I just need one. And until the summer/fall my job is mom. Okay, breath again, but still panic sometimes because that is what I do. Anyways, that is an ongoing battle.

I do have to say that I am really enjoying my mommy time. Missy is a little person now, a funny, very crazy and creative little person. I love that I get to know her and spend time with her. I do how ever really have to watch what I say. She has a real knack for repeating the wrong thing at the wrong time. The little man is also pretty fun, he is the happiest more relaxed baby ever. He loves to watch his sister and he loves the volunteer ladies at drop in.

Anyways, I know this whole post lacks the fun factor, sorry. Next time I will be funny, but today it is raining and gloomy and I am not my sparkly self. But we are doing good. Until then here are just a few photos I love of our new surroundings.

Light at the end of tunnel....and it is not a train!

Wow, Christmas is already gone, that was fast! Although we have been in Christmas mode for over a month, so in some ways it feels like it has been going on forever. Missy is old enough now to sort of understand Christmas so we decided to make that the focus to distract from some of the other fun issues like temper tantrums, daddy working in another province and the stress of not having a place to live. Well I have to say I have been loving all the Christmas spirit, the activities, the crafts, the stories, the movies and joy that it brings to my little ones face. Sort of sad it is over. Even the little man loved to sit under the tree and try and eat his presents. I think despite the craziness of the last 6 months, this was be the best Christmas yet. There is actually a lot of positive things that have been happening and I figured it was about time to focus on those.

Missy is finally learning to handle her emotions a little better, and mommy is learning to handle the whole thing better too. I have always sort of mocked parenting books, figured I was not the kind of parent who would get caught up in theories and dogma. However, I have to admit I was stumped and I actually read a parenting book, and even bigger shocker it actually worked. I won't say I liked everything about the book, but at least it had some good insight, some good suggestions and after putting it into practice we have now had 4 wonderful days. I am not in the habit of going around handing out unsolicited advice, but if you find yourself in a similar situation I would recommend the book 1,2,3 magic. Now I am just wondering if I can use the same tactics on my husband.....

We have a house. That is right, we actually bought a house and we will have somewhere to live in the not so far off future. Within 6 weeks we should be endlessly in debt, but in our own home with our own stuff. It may be small, we may have the same old crap to fill it, but at least it is our crap and our little home! It is nice to do something with my spare time besides pouring over mls listigs while crying inside. I have not seen this house yet mind you. That's right I trust my husband that much. Most people I talk to say I am crazy, but the reality is, right now I don't care about the details I just want a place for us to live, a place for my kids to call theirs and to feel like a family again. If you know me, you know that I am a super duper type A control freak so this is not like me at allhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif. I guess this is what sleep deprivation, and children have done to me.....that and stretch marks

Sibling rivalry. Yes there is a positive side to it. When Missy doesn't want to eat her food, I just plop the little guy in her seat and she comes running over ready to go. I am sure this will come back to bite me in the ass big time, but for now I am a bad parent using it to my advantage when I can.

Immunity, I am positive that by now we must be immune to everything under the sun. We have had 5 colds and 2 rounds of gastro in this house and thanks to the RotaTeq vaccine little man has managed to avoid both rounds of gastro. I can handle colds, snotty noses and ear aches but babies with gastro is another story. So I am grateful for the miracle of vaccinations....and washing machines. You don't really know how great they are until you are without one. Christmas eve after Missy puked on the coach and little man pooped all over his chair we found out that my parents washing machine died a tragic and untimely death....it made for a memorable night before Christmas that is for sure.

I am also positive that the next few months will be a big adventure. New places, new people, new home and new life. After 14 years of University living, I am finally saying goodbye to my school years and hello to my new big girl life. On Jan 1 we move as a family to our new life ...wish us luck.

Dear...

Dear Friends:

Thank you so much for the amazing support! The phone calls, the emails, the comments and the pep talks over coffee. Thank you! These days I feel like a single parent, and I know I have said this before, but single parents deserve medals. We have made a huge amount of progress and no longer seem to have tantrums in public, they are typically reserved for me and only me. I know now that Miss A is very sensitive and over-punishing was making things worse. And mostly I try to remind myself she is only 2, and this is what 2 year old children do. And while I may not always like it, she is also entitled to her own option (I just figured I had at least 10 more years before that became a serious issue). 90% of the time she is amazingly funny, sweet, kind, caring and gentle so it really could be much worse.

Just the same, thank you again for giving me ideas/suggestions/love when I needed it.

But I would like to post a special message to the very snarky, middle aged, hippster bag who decided to roll her eyes and say loudly "this is why I do not believe in breeding" while I was attempting to deal with one of our last public meltdowns.

Dear Lady:

I am sure my daughters meltdown was a real inconvenience for you, I know that those 4 - 5 minutes of your life where you had to listen to her crying was probably the worst part of your month. I am sure that it put a damper on your extra hot soy double pump no sugar, $8 coffee which you actually got to finish while it was hot. But rest assured it was no picnic for me either. While you may not understand this, the whole discipline part of parenting is pretty much horrible for me too. I hate having to fight with my child, I hate having to listen to her cry and scream. But most of all I hate that look that you gave me, the look which says "if you have kids you should never leave the house".

I am a firm believer that children need to be taught how to behave in public. They need to learn to eat in restaurants, they need to learn how to conduct themselves in different environments and they can't learn that if we lock them in the basement and never let them out. Yes, you may need to put up with the occasional outburst,but as a race we would not be very successful if we all decided having kids was too inconvenient. So while I am at home eating dinner with one hand, peeing with the door open, and scrubbing carrot puree of the ceiling, you can sit back and enjoy that $40 bottle of Merlot and talk about the horrible lady and her brat who wrecked your day. But please remember one thing, all those horrible parents who choose to "breed" are raising the future members of society that you like to mock. And rest assured that one day those "brats" you hated will be your doctor/nurse/EMT, they will fix your car, fix your meals and fix the broken pipes in your house. Those brats will run the government and make decisions about your future. And since you are against "breeding" they will have to wash your wrinkled body and change your diaper too. Maybe instead of the dirty looks, you could show a modicum of gratitude for the fact that even if you don't believe in "breeding", other people do.

Those who live in glass houses....

....hopefully don't have toddlers who throw temper tantrums!

Alright, I need some help, serious and desperate help before I loose what precious little is left of my sanity.

Before I was a parent (which is actually when I knew everything don't you know), I used to look at kids throwing fits in public and think, my god can't you control that kid. I would think that they were not punishing then enough, or maybe not at all. See I grew up in a fairly strict household. I was spanked, and I was given punishments and according to my parents I was a very very good child (but I already knew I was perfect, insert eye roll here). Anyways, I always assumed that those poor parents who's kids were going ballistic in the grocery store had somehow brought it on themselves. So I guess this is Karma's way of coming back to bite me in the ass big time.

Before we moved A had one tantrum. I did exactly what you are supposed to do, I removed her from the situation, I calmly said when you calm down we can discuss what you want and I did not give in. I figured we had the tantrum thing nipped in the bud. Wrong. As you read in my previous post we are in transition. Life is chaos, and I am doing my best to keep things sane and happy. My parents are wonderful with the kids, they help out all the time and they get to do a lot of activities with them. However, daddy is not here. We see him when we can but it is expensive to fly back and forth and doing it more than 2x a month is not possible. Yes I am under a mountain of stress, but I am trying my best not to let it show.

Now miss A is a very sensitive kid, not like me at all. She is upset easily when her routine is disrupted, she internalizes other peoples feelings and responds very negatively to other people's anger and stress. She is also very OCD, very very OCD. She has always been this way and I think this is just her nature. As a child she had many markers for autism but because she learned to speak so clearly, became more social and developed "normally" the doctors did not worry any more. However, lately I am wondering if her OCD is something I have to address in a specific way.

Lately she has been having epic, epic meltdowns. I know she is 2 and that is what 2 year olds do but this is different. If you touch her during a melt down she actually goes Chernobyl. If I try and remove her from a situation she starts to smash her head or kick and punch things. When she was a baby she would not let you touch her hands, she did not like to be touched when she ate and she was very selective about who could touch her. Once after hitting me many many times, I told her if she hit me again I would smack her hand so she knew how it felt. I did it and it enraged her, since then, every time she is mad she tells me she is going to smack me and then hits me. So a smack on the hand does not work. I have tried sending her to her room until she calms down but now when do something she does not like she tells us to go to our room and then freaks out when we don't do it. She actually says "I told you to go to your room and you are not listening to me, so I won't talk to you anymore". I have tried ignoring her behavior and then she gets insanely angry continues hitting and screaming until I am forced to put her in her room to calm down (it can last 30 minutes). She is smart, she understands everything and communicates quite well so I am sure it is not a lack of communication. Each time she has a meltdown she cries for daddy and it breaks my heart. I know she misses him but I can't let her act like a monster because I feel bad for her. I just don't know how to deal with her tantrums and her behavior. Please tell me what you did with your kids, tell me how you handle this phase.

So now I am in my glass house with an angry toddler and I am desperate to figure this out before the walls all come crashing down around us. Now I know, those parents did not want their kids to throw temper tantrums, they did not enjoy whining, crying and yelling any more than I do. So if you don't have kids, if you do and you forgot what it was like, please don't judge us when we are in public. Instead of giving us the stink eye, smile reassuringly because trust me that mom needs some reassurance.

Reading between the lines

So it has been a while. Life is busy and I have not been in a good mood lately. The move went as smooth as it could have. We left Montreal in a huge rush. I feel like I did not really get to say good-bye the way I wanted, and there were a lot of people I did not get to say good-bye to. We landed in Calgary and settled in. Had a few days of family fun and then Dylan had to fly off to Vancouver to start his job and find us a house. The plan was for us to join him in November. Well after almost 8 weeks of searching we are still essentially homeless and it looks like we will be camping at my parents for a few more weeks. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful that the kids and I are able to stay here, my parents are wonderfully helpful, but it is not our family and it is not our normal routine. We miss having daddy around and this is not what I signed up for.

I am trying very very hard to be patient, to have faith that something will happen and we will have a place to live, but right now I am just plain old frustrated. Anyone who has tried to buy real-estate in Vancouver would understand, it is just plain crazy. We are looking at spending more money than I could ever have imagined and we can't even afford to buy a descent place. Most "houses" in our price range are being sold for land value only, meaning you pay a stupid stupid amount of money for a lot with a crap shack on it that is basically uninhabitable. And even these rat traps are going to bid, so the crazy high asking price for the ultra small pieces of pure crap are not even close to what they actually sell for. Monkey crap, hippo crap, dog crap, moose crap, all different variations of crap. It is very very depressing. The agent we were previously working with just kept insisting we find more money, like I had a spare $200,000 I just forgot to mention. Oh wait let me check my ass, nope none there either. Not only are the prices high, but the agents and sellers are delusional. Luckily I have gotten good at reading between the lines.

For your information, when you are buying a house under 800,000 in Vancouver you need to understand the following code:

Charming - really means this house contains some of the original (and very ugly) carpet, wallpaper, linoleum, and/or appliances (which may or may not work).

Cozy - really means this house is about the size of a garden shed, good luck turning around in the bathroom.

Potential - really means hopefully you have another $150,000 to spend fixing up this mess, even then you would be better to burn it down and start over.

Gardeners dream - this means the property is basically overgrown with weeds (or "wildflowers") and you may need a machete to get to the front door.

Beautifully maintained - this means that there are not holes in the walls, no boards over the windows, there may be mold, half of the cupboards may be missing, people could be using the fireplace as an oven, they may have stapled extension cords to the walls to run lights from room to room, and half of the fixtures may be missing, but it is not boarded up (I wish I was making this up believe me)

Recently renovated - this can really mean anything from they actually renovated the property to we painted a wall and change the toilet paper roll. Mostly it means they are asking about $150,000 more than it is worth.

Starter - this means it is a real huge piece of crap and only those blinded by new love could possibly see the "beauty" in place and be willing to fork over that kind of money to live here.

Centrally located - this means you will pay an extra $100,000 - 200,000 for the privilege of living within 1 hour commute of your work.

Sadly, my standards are so low right now I am dreaming of a beautifully maintained and recently renovated, centrally located, cozy starter with lots of charm and potential. For now you can address all my mail to tent # 6, Stanley park.